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Carry On Up The Death Star

February 6, 2007

Your recently expressed wish to see a Star Wars version of the Carry On franchise ("Carry On Jedi Master") got me thinking about casting possibilities. Sadly, due to widespread mortality amongst key cast members, we can only speculate on what might have been...

Sith Ruff-Diamond................................Sidney James (dirty laugh ideal for Vaderesque role)
Emperor Nookie...................................Kenneth Williams (no-brainer I reckon)
Princess Layher...................................Barbara Windsor (“ooh, Luke – saucy!”)
Luke Jimmyriddle.................................Jim Dale (bumbling, accident-prone apprentice Jedi)
Hands Solo.........................................Jack Douglas (cool persona undermined by severe tics)
Seethrupeo.........................................Charles Hawtry (another no-brainer – though tempting to miscast him in the Hands Solo role!)
Chewfacca ..........................................Bernard Breslaw (Chewy forced to don comically unconvincing disguise as Imperial Nurse in hare-brained plan to infiltrate Death Star’s command centre)

Posted by sam at February 6, 2007 4:57 PM

Comments


Sam, that's gawd-damn genius!

Couple of suggestions:

Could Sith Ruff-Diamond also be known as Darth Fiddler?

How about Emperor Pumpitin? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palpatine)

Kenneth Connor as Fartoo Peepoo (hey, it's Carry On, it's not going to be sophisticated)?

No, actually scratch that Fartoo's a droid and doesn't need a Carry On castmember - Kenneth Connor's got to be ancient green Jedi Master Kyba who, despite his mastery of the force, is unable to keep his trousers up.

And who should play Jedi Warrior and mentor Holdit-in Binupme? I'm thinking either Bernard Cribbins or better yet Leslie Phillips. Yes, Leslie Phillips in fact.

Some sample lines from the film:

Darth Fiddler: "Phwoarrrrr! I wouldn't mind torpedoing *her* exhaust port! Ha-gah-gah-gah!"

Princess Leyher: "Ooooooh! Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"*

Holdit-in: "I say ... some of you younglings are bang on for sixteen ..."

Weedo the bounty hunter: "Going somewhere Solo?"
Hand Solo: "Yes Weedo, I was just (twitches) -Gnnnnn!- -Ngheee!- coming to see your boss. Tell Fappa I (twitches) -Ounnh!- -Weyyyy!- have his money, at last. -Chpernn!- -Gee!- (spasms whilst fiddling with his blaster and shoots Weedo first)"

Hand Solo: "Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!"*

Gaw - this thing almost writes itself ...

* bonus points for these since they're actually in the original films

Posted by: jonah at February 7, 2007 2:11 PM


Howabout Peter Butterworth as the horny old retired Imperial Commander who implausibly falls for Chewy's nurse disguise and proceeds to chase him round the Death Star in a priapic frenzy?

Posted by: sam at February 7, 2007 2:57 PM


frankie howerd as o bendy wan
joan sim as padpee
phil silvers as yoda

Posted by: taff at February 7, 2007 3:17 PM


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