irregular burbling

« Mooning Dubya | Main | "You couldn't make it up" »

Watch whose money you pick up

September 9, 2003

Looky here, you can sell your soul online! We Want Your Soul also do an obligation-free quotation service where they estimate the cash value of your soul. Intriguing ... let's see what they have to say about themselves.

We Want Your Soul, Inc. (WWYS�) is a global private equity firm with nearly 250 million souls under management.
WWYS� generates outstanding returns for its customers by employing cutting-edge proprietary soul extraction, containment and suppression technologies, including but not limited to genetic modification, operant conditioning, and thought control. Our firm's history is long and celebrated, and has allowed us to evolve a global influence in all aspects and at every level of society.

What, is it the Illuminati or the Minions of Hell (TM)? Hey, now that's an even better idea ... We Want Your Soul has just the one bidder for your soul. Maybe there's room for an online soul auction house, a sort of spirtitual ebay where the evil god-things of a thousand mythologies can bid for your eternal essence.

Then again, maybe not. As I understand it, when it comes to souls it's a buyer's market. I think I'll just leave you all with these words from William S. Burrough's "Word of Advice for Young People":

Now, some of you may encounter the Devil's Bargain, if you get that far. Any old soul is worth saving, at least to a priest but not every soul is worth buying, so you can take the offer as a compliment.
He tries the easy ones first. You know, like money. All the money there is. Yeah, but who wants to be that richest guy in some cemetary? Money won't buy it. Not much left to spend it on eh, Gramps? Getting too old to cut the mustard.
How's a young body grab you? Like three card monte, like pea under the shell, now you see it, now you don't. Haven't you forgotten something, Gramps? In order to feel something, you've got to be there. You have to be eighteen. You're not eighteen, you are seventy-eight. Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.
Well they always try the easiest ones first. How about an honorable bargain? You always wanted to be a doctor, well now's your chance. Why you could become a great healer and benefit humanity? What's wrong with that?
Just about everything.
There are no honorable bargains involving exchange of qualitative merchandise like souls, for quantitative merchandise like time and money. So piss off Satan and don't take me for dumber than I look.
An old junk pusher told me - watch whose money you pick up.

Posted by Jonah at September 9, 2003 10:42 AM