The Celebrity Cunt Database


In order to help determine the fine shades of difference between such cunts as Gary Bushell and Ben Elton, we broke the ratings down into six categories:


A measure of how smug the cunt is. Smugness is definitely a prime attribute of the true cunt. Whether it's the monied mockney braying of ginger cunt Chris Evans, or the self-satisfied grin plastered all over the chops of ex-MP whorefucking novelist convict cunt Jeffrey Archer, chances are if they're smug, they're a cunt.


A rating of how much of a flouncing, preening, tantrum-throwing cunt they are. Of course, since we're dealing with celebrity cunts here, the ability to throw a hissy fit over the wrong kind of flowers or refuse to work certain days of the week is always going to rate them high here.

Undue Adulation:

A measure not only of undeserved acclaim, but also of overexposure. You know, some cunts just get it all, despite being utterly useless streaks of piss? They're seen as great practitioners of their art, or wonderful examples of human beings, but more often this rep is down more to lazy, consensual reviewing and reporting than any actual talent the cunt's got.

Offensive Opinions:

This is a rating of how much a celebrity cunt's views makes the blood boil. Not just what their opinions are, but also how often they insist on banging on and on and on about them. The kind of celebrities that just get people seething by opening their mouths and sounding off.


A measure of how two-faced the cunt is. Of course, the vast majority of hypocrites are cunts, as any fule kno. Sometimes a celebrity just shows such blatant hypocrisy that it demands that they be afforded cunt status. Whether it's the supermodel appearing in an anti-fur campaign and then swaggering down the catwalk in a mink, or the left-wing "alternative comedian" bullying waiters in a restaraunt, hypocrisy is a key cuntly attribute.

Apalling Acts:

This is a catchall category for all the other things that a celebrity can do that elicits the reaction "what a cunt". It could range from being Gary Glitter to dancing around whilst wearing a great big hat.


The overall rating is a sum of all six of the above. The overall rating allows you to determine how much of a cunt a celebrity really is according to the following scale:

0-9: Not Much of a Cunt at all
Most mormal people fit into this range. Anyone scoring in this range does not make the listings.

10-19: A Bit of a Cunt
This individual is a cunt, but only a minor one. A B-list cunt. Not really relevant enough to make a serious impact as a celebrity cunt. If they only rate this high, then they're not really cutting it, even as a cunt.

20-29: A Right Cunt
This individual is irritating on sight. The very sound of their name being announed make ire and bile rise in equal, copious measure. Every serious celebrity cunt scores at least this high on the scale.

30-39: A Complete Cunt
This is the score of a copper-bottomed, international grade cunt. Major celebrities and the truly apalling fall into this catgeory.

40-49: An Utter, Utter Cunt
It is not thought that a normal human being can attain this level of cunthood without genetic modification or going into politics. Some research on the UKNM mailing list may disprove this theory.

50-60: Deity
Only gods have been this much of a cunt.