The Celebrity Cunt Database


Yes, we all know them, don't we? You know the ones, celebrities that make your blood boil just by appearing, the overpaid preening oafs. Grrrrrrrr!

Hem. The CCDB came about as a result of a drunken discussion between my brother and I. It was one of the classic beer session questions: if you had all the irritating celebrities in the world lined up in front of you, and five bullets, who would you use them on? Who's first against the wall, sort of thing. Politicians and dead people were exempt since they'd make it too easy.

Without the politicians and stiffs, it was surprisingly difficult to whittle it down to just five, since there are so many utter cunts out there. In true drunken ramble style, Sam and I broke out a pen and paper and devised an impromptu ratings system to help us decide. By the time we'd named and rated thirty, we realised that we had the beginnings of a pack of "Top Trump"-style cards. It sounded like a laugh, so we vowed to put the ratings and perhaps a brief annotation or two on the web for people to browse. I've even been sad enough to write a "Cunt Trumps" kind of card game.

I realise that I've only really scratched the surface of the world of celebrity cunts out there. We already have a large backlog of cunts awaiting rating and write-up upon which our team of crack invectors are working furiously. Any suggestions are welcome, so long as they come with a rating in all six categories, and preferably a brief note explaining why you personally feel they are a cunt. E-mail entries to ccdb (at)

Disclaimer: CCDB is intended to be a bit of fun. Fuck you if you can't take a joke.

Props must go out to Viz and TV Go Home for inspiration.